New Energy

I have been spending more time in Kalahandi than at the GV Head Office, despite the Head Office being more comfortable. This has been partly due to the level of work in the micro hydro projects and partly due to the tension that fills my heart/mind while at the office. Though, during my last visit to Head Office recently, I discovered that there is a certain new energy that is seemingly planting itself on campus. Some new staff have come this month with a brightness that I pray will only multiply.

GV does amazing work, but it has taken a toll on those that are involved. As we try to help more communities have access to water and sanitation and other sustainable infrastructure, our human resources are increasingly challenged with communication issues, salary woes, and lack of time to meet targets. I had begun to loose hope, seeing/hearing how at levels of human resources, people were more and more unhappy and stressed.

However, this wave of new energy via a few individuals is intriguing and is helping me to be introspective. These newbies are in a good position to be themselves and appreciate the organization. Over the years, I have become only a strong critic and far from myself. I keep seeking perfection in its operations...only much later to realize that I need to take care of my imperfection first. Still, I find it very difficult to focus on myself without being selfish. Since the post Palm and Apple days, my moments have been designed around being involved with efforts that I really believe in, first LEDeG, then Green Empowerment, now Gram Vikas and Practical Action. In this process, I have nearly always prioritized my family and my research secondary to the so-called causes. ...This has caused imbalance that of course I keep ignoring.

I know that my mis-prioritizing will catch up with me sooner or later. Though now instead of being totally hard on myself, I am just watching. Watching myself make decision after decision, without judging. Watching the naunces in my moods; what makes me smile, what makes my cry, how I relate to others. I am only hoping that the non-action intentions create some positive flow that can undo the angst I've built during the last few years; and take advantage of the priceless and simple gifts I've acquired during the same chaotic time, e.g. witnessing the simplest of human needs, Nature's transient care, and such sweet and tangible moments of the Divine's intervention.